Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them. - Evan Esar
Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does. - Evan Esar
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings. - Evan Esar
Hope is tomorrow's veneer over today's disappointment. - Evan Esar
Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary. - Evan Esar
You can't do anything about the length of your life, but you can do something about its width and depth. - Evan Esar
A signature always reveals a man's character- and sometimes even his name. - Evan Esar
It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway. - Evan Esar
Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind. - Evan Esar
The girl with a future avoids a man with a past. - Evan Esar
A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended. - Evan Esar
Zoo: An excellent lace to study the habits of human beings - Evan Esar
Many a man who falls in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl. - Evan Esar
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. - Evan Esar
Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it. - Evan Esar
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow. - Evan Esar
Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose. - Evan Esar
The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last. - Evan Esar
Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage. - Evan Esar
Many a man who falls in love with a dimple make the mistake of marrying the whole girl. - Evan Esar
Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won't stand up either. - Evan Esar
America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. - Evan Esar
Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once. - Evan Esar
Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing. - Evan Esar
Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions. - Evan Esar